people think i spoke for all those years even correctly, for some of them.
so how can i explain
that it is only now i have a voice?
true, i eked out words here and there
that were right and true
paper, journals, signs, word processor, instant messenger, emails, texts… i even spent days in silence –
perhaps a whiteboard note or two,
scratch paper for the barista (soy latte, 16 ounces) –
but i didn’t understand.
how can i tell you
whose brain is connected to your mouth
that my fingers are more sure than my lips?
and that now that i know myself
my words are strengthened, more confident, more proud? to me, quieter than i wanted for all those years,
being able to press play feels like a privilege.
but what i wish for everyone
growing up unusual
is a human right:
words any way you want them
all the ways you want them
no explanation necessary
my words my ways
is a promise to myself
and a hope for everyone else atypical
in this world that doesn’t listen.
may we all have loud hands.
[The final line is a deliberate reference to ASAN’s “Loud Hands” anthology.]